my blue heaven

a glimpse into the life and mind of Kazzart.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

My inner geek

I just took the Geek test scoring myself 24.45759% - Rank: Geek.

Heheh. Not that high I guess, and I even exaggerated slightly at some points. Anyway..... what did other peple get? :)

Compelling story

I finally decided to have a look at "Shine For Jesus - Karie Yu's Spiritual Journals & Parents Heartfelt Words" book that my mum gave to me to read. I know I took ages to get around to it, and I shoulda done it earlier. Now I guess I can get the girls I lead at my youth group to read it.

A bit of background info, Karie Yu and her school friend Caitlin Twibble were 2 fifteen year old girls who were killed on 3rd Dec, 2001 in a freak storm during their Duke of Edinburgh activity in Hornsby. They were camping in their tent when a large tree fell on them, killing them instantly. There's even an old SMH article I found here.

Anyway, she and her family were committed christians, going to Hebron Alliance Christian church in Sydney (this makes it even more real coz I know people from that church). The day after she died, her parents found her spiritual journal, a whole bunch of prayers written on paper cranes, and 4 long letters of prayer to God. They decided to put together a book publishing these things to encourage people. Her journal entries were pretty amazing for a 15 year old girl. She demonstrated a spiritual maturity and a deep understanding & love for God that is pretty uncommon for someone so young. She seemed to be able to find joy in everything, and the majority of her journal was giving thanks to God for this or that. (How different is that from alot of journals.. like mine when I was in high school.. which probably had more whinging/ranting than anything else!)

I found the forewords by her parents, sister, pastors especially touching. I started reading this on the train this morning, and almost as soon as I started, I found myself nearly bawling. It wasn't that it was so sad (though it was)... but I was more moved by their words of faith.. esp from her mum.

What I found particularly compelling were these words from her letters to God, written just 10 days before she died:
"Thank you that that I can go up to You when my physical body ceases to function. Thank you for giving me the opportunity on earth to serve You! Thank you! Thank you that my time on earth is running short so that I can go to You! Thank you that "To live is Christ, to die is gain!". Thank you!"
Anyway, if anyone wants to borrow/get a copy, let me know. They're free and my mum can get her hands on more copies.

Current listening :: "Eyes On Me" - Faye Wong (from Final Fantasy VIII)

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Busy Bee

Sorry I haven't posted much lately. Work has just been really busy, with this project I'm supposed to complete by next week. (Er, dunno if that'll happen.) But I'm actually getting somewhere with it, which is good. I think I've managed to complete the main and most difficult part. So I'm giving myself a blogging break. :)

Anyway, the Snowy Mtns have just had yet ANOTHER dump starting today. Apparently they're getting some really nice dry white powder over there. Argh! I wish I were there! I've been religiously hooked on the forums, particularly the weather forum, checking out the weather predictions from amateur forecasters. Some of them are pretty good, The Frog in particular seems knowledgable. Its all such geeky stuff! I think I've actually gained a basic understanding of what Highs and Lows and barometric pressure (hPa) readings mean from reading their discussions. There are also a few live reports from people at the slopes who are nice enough to take the time to log on at an internet cafe and give us an update. This has become a yearly ritual, everytime the ski season starts. :)

Anyway, back to work.. or actually perhaps the gym. Gotta work up my fitness if I wanna hit the black runs more this year. :)

Can't wait to get me some of this....

Oh btw, looks like that Dunia_Arna girl who copied my website design has closed up shop. She finally replied my email, and it turns out that she wasn't the one responsible afterall. She said that since she doesn't know html or anything, she got her friend to set it up for her. Looks like he was the copycat. Anyway, she appologised many times for this whole thing, which was nice of her. :)

Current listening :: "She's got that vibe" - R Kelly & Public Announcement (old skool baybee yeh!)

Friday, July 25, 2003

Merry Christmas!!

And the heavens have finally opened over the snowfields. Its dumping down snow right now... around 1/2 metre in the last 24 hrs, and still more to come! Hallelujah!! :D

(Pic from

Current listening :: Turn On The Bright Lights - Interpol (Gonna be seeing them at Metro on Aug 9.. with Bluebottle Kiss supporting. Woohoo!)
Copycat and thief!

Ok, I just had a look in my webstats, and found an interesting number of referrals from and to my site. So I go to check them out, and I find that is an almost exact duplicate of my site!! Even calling it the same name. And whats worse, they are using all my files, images, stylesheets.. everything! Not only a copycat, this 20 something year old girl from Indonesia is also a thief. Stealing my bandwidth, which I am paying for!!!!!! So, after being suitably outraged, I sent her the following email:

I happened to look through my web stats and saw that you are using files from my website. In fact, you are copying my whole website design ( for your websites and (Though I'm guessing the dunia_arma one has been changed recently.)

I am not sure if you are aware, but this means you are stealing from me. Not only my design and ideas, but also the files & images on my server, which costs me money to run. This is called "stealing bandwidth" and is generally not tolerated over the internet.

I will ask you nicely to please take down your site (or at least change it), and not use any of my material/ideas/files without my permission again.

Though on another note, I suppose that imitation can be a form of flattery...

Thursday, July 24, 2003

More cuteness!

Argh, I just can't get enough of Coltrane! He's too cute! Last night, a girlfriend came over to hang out, we chilled out whilst listening to some girly cd's. Anyway, I think Coltrane was feeling affectionate, coz he jumped up onto her lap, then later slept on my lap while we sat in the lounge room. I took the opportunity to get my friend to take some good photos of him.

This'll be the last batch of photos of Coltrane for a while... I promise! :)

More procrastination :\

Yes, erm, I've been doing some more of that today. (But I have actually made a pretty good start on my project... I just got.. er.. sidetracked for a bit..)

I made myself some really cool girly compilation cds! :) Check out the playlist:

  1. Why Not - Hilary Duff
  2. The Tide Is High (Get The Feeling) - Atomic Kitten
  3. You Make Me Feel Like A Star - Beu Sisters
  4. What Dreams Are Made Of - Hilary Duff
  5. 17 - Mandy Moore
  6. Sometimes - Britney Spears
  7. You Drive Me Crazy - Britney Spears
  8. Born To Make You Happy - Britney Spears
  9. Autumn Goodbye - Britney Spears
  10. Anticipating - Britney Spears
  11. Boys - Britney Spears
  12. Dirrty - Christina Aguilera
  13. Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
  14. Do You Want My Love - CoCo Lee
  15. Jenny From The Block - Jennifer Lopez
  16. Loving You - Jennifer Lopez
  17. Lets Get Loud - Jennifer Lopez
  18. All For You - Janet Jackson
  19. Someone To Call My Lover - Janet Jackson
  20. Magic - Disco Montego Ft Katie Underwood
  1. What Dreams Are Made Of - Paolo and Isabella (Lizzie Maguire)
  2. Open Your Eyes (To Love) - LMNT
  3. If You Believe - Rachel Lampa
  4. Only Hope - Mandy Moore
  5. I Wanna Be With You - Mandy Moore
  6. Walk Me Home - Mandy Moore
  7. Lock Me In Your Heart - Mandy Moore
  8. Crush - Mandy Moore
  9. Dear Diary - Britney Spears
  10. Sweet Kisses - Jessica Simpson
  11. Betcha She Don't Love You - Jessica Simpson
  12. Before I Fall In Love - CoCo Lee
  13. We Could Be In Love - Lea Salonga
  14. I Believe In You And Me - Whitney Houston
  15. At The Beginning - Richard Marx & Donna Lewis
  16. Automatic - Utada Hikaru
  17. Final Distance - Utada Hikaru
  18. Eyes On Me - Faye Wong
  1. Foolish - Ashanti
  2. Emotion - Destiny's Child
  3. To Fall In Love Again - Jessica Simpson
  4. When You Told Me - Jessica Simpson
  5. Quit Breaking My Heart - Mandy Moore
  6. Someday We'll Know - Mandy Moore & Jonathan Foreman
  7. First Love - Utada Hikaru
  8. Silence - Jay Chou
  9. Girl In The Mirror - Britney Spears
  10. Lost Without You - Delta Goodrem
  11. No You Didn't Say - Kandice Love
  12. Out Of Reach - Gabrielle
  13. Killin' Kind - Shelby Lynne
  14. All By Myself - Jamie O'Neal
  15. Impossible - Christina Aguilera
  16. Underappreciated - Christina Aguilera
  17. What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted - Joan Osbourne & The Funk Brothers
Tee hee. I love my girly girl music! :D I gotta say, compilations are hard to make. I found myself changing my mind so many times, trying to get the perfect collection of songs on one cd. That "Girly Heartbreak" compilation is particularly.. poignant... Most of them have some sort of personal meaning to me. :)

Current listening :: "Final Distance" - Utada Hikaru

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

More Coltrane!

As requested.. more Coltrane pics! He's grown quite a bit in the past month or so.. from this - taken just a month and a half ago:

To now - a nearly "teen" kitty at 4 1/2 months!

*sigh* How they quickly they grow.

Anyways, I better be off soon. Gonna go to dance class tonight... first time in ages (again)!

(Argh darn it, the server's down, so you won't see the pics. You won't even see the proper layout/graphics/stylesheet for this blog. Grrrrrr. :\)

Current listening :: "Magic" - Disco Montego Ft Katie Underwood

Monday, July 21, 2003

Professional procrastinator

I am so bad. I really should be working on this programming project now, but I find myself blog rolling, blogging, getting on cam, surfing... anything but doing the work I should be doing. Even worse, I should have started on this last week! Eep!! Bad Kazzart. :(

I usually tend to get like this when a task appears to be too big/difficult/unfamiliar. When I'm just about to start something, and I have no idea what I'm doing yet, that's when I try my utmost to avoid starting it. But once I start it, and I have an idea, a vision, of what I'm supposed to be doing, then its all good. Its just when I can't see the path ahead, I tend to get cold feet. So much for "I enjoy the challenge of tackling difficult tasks and always put a 100% effort into getting projects done". What a load of tripe. :P I wonder what would happen if everyone told the truth in their job interviews.

Having said that, I am now going to attempt to finish installing Visual Studio .NET so that I can actually get *started* on this project. :|

But before I do, a quick update on the weekend... My friend's 21st was good, and very close to my house. :) I didn't drive so I had 2 malibu & pineapples and a baileys & milk afterwards... I actually went red - the curse of being asian. Not as bad as my friend though. :P Saturday, I didn't end up going to the Fish Markets coz Andrew and I had an argument (actually, more he was upset with me about something - but we're ok now!) and instead spent the day with a girlfriend - swim/spa/steam/sauna-ing at Lane Cove leisure centre *ahh.. bliss*, then watching The Lizzy Maguire movie again (coz she hadn't seen it yet) and finally pigging out at Gourmet Pizza Kitchen. T'was a good girly day. :) On Sunday our youth group leaders meeting went for ages.. like, over 3 hours I think. Ok ok.. I'm gonna go do some work now.. really...

Current listening :: "Why Not" - Hilary Duff

Friday, July 18, 2003

Quick update

Just a quick update coz I've got to rush off soon. Haven't been posting much lately coz work's been fairly busy, and I've also been working on a new design for this website! I'm going to be from Blogger to Movable Type (on my own hosting - soon-ish.. well, as soon as I get my act together. And I'll hopefully have a new design to go with the move. Yay. :)

Am so glad its Friday (again!) - I've got a 21st tonight which should be good, and then tommorrow Andrew and I are going to the Sydney Fish Market for a nice seafood lunch on the wharf. :) Sunday will again be filled with church stuff - English service picnic, Glue leaders meeting, evening service. Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Current listening :: "Beautiful Collision" - Bic Runga

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Fourth grade musings - "Privite - Keep Out - Or else"

Tuesday, 8th November, 1988
Every Tuesday Mr Denholim takes us for fittness. I go to the gym on Tuesdays too. Mrs Dupriez gave us this diary.

Wednesday, 9th November, 1988
I got in trouble by Mrs Dupriez. Had to move to a different seat.

Thursday, 10th November, 1988
Some boys in 3rd class were chasing my friends around with a dead grasshopper in their hand and they screamed and ran away and they chased after them. It was raining and we got wet then the bell rang and we went to class. I fell over but I wasn't hurt.

Friday, 11th November, 1988
Leanne was at the front to write who was good or bad and I was on the good side.

Monday, 14th November, 1988
On Saturday it was hot. Thought I was going swimming. Didn't. Went to clean townhouse in Marsfield. Thought it was boring. Went shopping bought ships, chicken wings and other stuff. Went home. Sunday. Went to church cam home. Had to go to town house again. Came home. Mum and Dad went to see the payvement for pool. We played computer and watched tv. Then mum and dad came home. Had chicken wings for dinner. Then watched Santa Claus THe Movie.

Thursday, 17th November, 1988
I was ignoring K.M because she was lying. She was jealous because I was always using the black pen. Today Dance 88 is going to be on. I don't have a clue what it's going to be like. I don't think I am Karen Martins friend because she shows off.

Friday, 18th November, 1988
I was in trouble by Mrs Dupriez. Had to move to a different seat.

Current listening :: "Crazy In Love" - Beyonce Ft Jay-Z

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

I know Kung Fu!

You are Neo
You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You display a perfect fusion of heroism and compassion.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Busy Bee

Ack. I've been so busy the past few days, I haven't had any time to update at all. What have I been up to? Lets start from Thursday.

  • Thursday night - we (me, Andrew, Aaron and Cerise) went to the Hillsong conference night rally, held at the Sydney Superdome. T'was very interesting. Some parts were incredible.. the sheer number of people that came (packing out the Superdome to the point of overflow), and just the hugeness of the event - its professionalism, organisation, and of course the cha-ching ($$$)! There was even a band (a pretty good funk band called the Jive Express) entertaining the line outside while we waited to get it. It was all pretty spectacular. We didn't arrive 2-3 hours early, so we ended up sitting near the top, almost behind the stage. But it gave us a good view of the crowd.. and that was pretty cool. There were so many ppl, it made me giddy just looking down at them. I forgot to bring my camera (which they didn't allow anyway).. but it woulda been cool to show you a pic of the crowd. Of course, the music was pretty good - like everything else in the event, it was huge. They really go all out with everything. Everyone was enthusiastically jumping up and down, particularly the youth on the floor area. There was lots, and lots and lots of music. However.. the short sermon we heard (just an offertory sermon.. there wasn't a normal one coz that night was some live album recording with this band from the UK called Delirious) was quite a shocker. Brian Houston, the senior pastor at Hills CLC, gave the talk, and errr.. it was kinda heretical! He was trying to encourage us to invest our money in a good cause (ie. Hillsong).. this wasn't the heretical part... it was the passage he used to teach this - Mark 4 - the parable of the sower. The application was that we were to "sow" (invest) our "seed" (money) in the "good soil" (Hillsong). HRMMMMMMM...... *thump* (the sound of my eyebrows hitting the roof) Not only that, Jesus actually explains what he means by that parable just a few verses down.. but I guess Brian Houston didn't read that far.

  • Friday night - was Cerisie's 20th birthday. (Happy Birthday Cerise!) We went out to pancakes for supper, and were gonna go to karaoke or clubbing or something, but ended up going back to Cerise's place coz I think some people didn't wanna go karaoke etc.

  • Saturday - we had our youth group social, which involved some games, lunch, and watching the Spirited Away dvd on a projector. That night, we went out for Dan's 18th birthday - a "classy" affair at the Burwood RSL. Ahem. :P Afterwards, we intended on going clubbing at Minc, but ended up at The Republic Hotel, at Ben, Andre and Kev's birthday bash/free dance party. (Can't get better than free!) Happy Birthday guys! I had such a good time there, and saw soooo many people I hadn't seen in yonks! Heaps of my old uni friends, and a fair few school friends were there. It was cool. The music was really good.. their friend, DJ MC played some pretty good stuff. I liked the old school and the party anthems. :) Ooh, and I found an alcoholic drink I actually like - Malibu Pineapple! Its so yum! :) Ended up getting home at about 4am that night.

  • Sunday - unfortunately, I had a 10:45am Glue/SYG leaders meeting, which I was about 40 mins late for (my bad!). Then we went to lunch, and afterwards had music practice, and then evening service. I was totally buggered by then. I'm suprised I'm not sick now!

So yes, that was my very busy weekend. I had a good time though, and I think I've just about recovered.

Oh, I bought a jumper this morning. A really pretty pink one! I've had my eye on it for a while, and I decided to have a look today, and Lo and Behold! it was on sale - $20! Happy am I. :D

Current listening :: "Better than life" - Hillsong (Err.. yeh I gave in and bought some Hillsong albums.. "Hope" and "Blessed".. I'm such a closet Hillsong music fan. *hangs head in shame* I actually really like this song though.. its so cool.. pity about the words in the chorus..)

Friday, July 11, 2003

Friday boredom

EVERYTHING : You belong in a small percentage of Asian females who are an all-round-little-bit-of-everything group. You don't have an accent, but you can speak your own language a little too. You shop at many stores including Forever 21, Rave, and Abercrombie. You own several pairs of platforms and those cute neon colored thongs. Stop being indecisive.
What Asian Girl Are You?

Indecisive? Well pfft to you....! :P

I'm sooo bored today. I just want the day to end so it can be the weekend.... ugh. Only about 2 hrs more, thank goodness! Work is starting to become really really tedious.

I've got a pretty busy weekend coming up - tonight I'm going to Pancakes at the Rocks and then Karaoke at KMix for a friend's birthday. Tomorrow I've got the Glue social (my youth group) and then at night I *might* go clubbing at Minc, if I'm up for it. Sunday we have a Glue/SYG leaders get-together, then music practice, then church.

Anyway, hope everyone has a great weekend! :) (Note: If you check yesterday's post, I've put 2 photos up from the Ultra Suite gig on Tues night.)

Current listening :: "Time To Party" - Craig David ("All friday, time to party, let me see you swing and sway, tell me are you with me, are you with me" :P)

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Double wow

Last night Andrew and I went to see Ultra Suite at the Hopetoun Hotel (you know, the band my friend Leo plays the bass in :)). It was pretty good. :) I was chatting to Leo before they played, and he told me they had a small article about them in the current edition of Drum Media (pg 26, under "Almost Famous") - and that they used the photo I took in the article. How cool is that? My picture is in Drum Media! Wow... :) He also pointed out the ad for their gig on the wall at the Hopetoun Hotel, and said that was my pic too. Double wow! :D

I took a couple of photos last night at the gig too, but I forgot to bring the camera to work today. Will try upload em tomm.

Anyways.. not feeling too good at the moment. I was gonna go to dance class tonight, but I changed my mind. Take a wild guess. :\ So I'm gonna go out with Andrew and his old "strathfield" friends (from his highschool years) to watch Charlies Angel 2 (again).

[Updated: Fri 11 July]

Current listening :: The Lizzy Maguire Soundtrack

Monday, July 07, 2003

Sop alert

I really like the song "You Make Me Feel Like A Star" - The Beu Sisters, from the Lizzy Maguire movie soundtrack. Yep, I ended up watching it on Thurs night instead of going to jazz fusion (heh) - and by myself too coz I couldn't find anyone to come with me (which I don't mind, its fun watching movies alone.. I used to do it heaps in high school! Or maybe that was just coz I was a nigel... :P).

Anyway, I really liked it!! Esp the ending. And Hilary Duff is sooo pretty! Hahah... I'm such a teeny bopper girly girl! *hangs head in shame* Ah well. I also watched Charlie's Angel 2 on Sat night. I thought it was ok... I think I preferred the first one actually. The storyline in this one didn't quite flow at times.. or maybe it was the screenplay that was badly done. Anyway, things didn't quite make sense.. and I think that was a result of bad.. something. I dunno much about movie making, but something wasn't right. Otherwise, I still enjoyed it. Action-packed fun and fluff.. (and totally un-believable action at that! :P)

So back to this song I really like... its so sweet and soppy and girly. :)

Never gonna be in movies
Except in a front row seat
Never gonna be the raving beauty
My momma thought I'd be
Never gonna write that novel
Never be a homecoming queen
Never gonna be a supermodel
On the cover of a magazine

But all those things don't matter in the light of things to come
'coz baby you are my moon and I am your sun, oh!

You make me feel like a star, oh baby
You say Stay, baby stay
Just the way you are
And tell me "Girl, you're fine
And you will shine
Forever in my heart"
That's why you, yeah you
You make me feel like a star

Maybe I ain't the girl next door
Who waves at you and smiles
Maybe I'm not a party girl
But don't I drive you wild
Baby, the way you see me
Is the way that it should be
Feelin' like I'm something special
Seven days a week

And the only thing that matters when the day is done
Is that you are my moon, and I am your sun, oh!

You make me feel like a star, oh baby
You say stay, baby stay
Just the way you are
And tell me "Girl, you're fine
And you will shine
Forever in my heart"
That's why you, yeah you
You make me feel like
Everyday's my birthday
Every night's a dream
Oh, and when you kiss me
I melt just like ice cream

Never gonna be a Charlie's Angel
Never gonna be a saint
But you love me for all I am
And everything I ain't, oh!

You make me feel like a star, oh baby
You say stay, baby stay
Just the way you are
And tell me girl, you're fine
And you will shine
Forever in my heart
That's why you, yeah you
You make me feel like a star


I didn't do much this weekend. Me and Andrew had all this stuff planned (going shopping, to a friend's 21st, to the fish markets for a nice lunch on the wharf.. lots of quality time stuff) but we didn't do any of it coz he was really sick. :( I think he had food poisoning, or a bacterial bug or something... he had a high fever (39C) on Sat night, and lots of stomach pains and diarrhea. Poor guy. So I spent most of the weekend taking care of him. (Awww..) :)

[Updated: 4:30pm]
I did take some nice photos of the sunset whilst at Andrew's place on Saturday. His room & balcony have such a niiiice view of the sunset. :)

Current listening :: "You Make Me Feel Like A Star" - The Beu Sisters (The Lizzy Maguire Movie OST)

Thursday, July 03, 2003

Kitty antics

I've finally uploaded some video's of my kitty, Coltrane. They're in the Downloads section. There are two - the first one taken when he was about 2 months, and the second one about 3 months. He's so cute! :)

Is it just me or is this day going by real slow.. *sigh* Trying to decide what to do tonight... go see Lizzy McGuire... or go to my jazz fusion class.. hmm.. I feel like a night off.. but then, I'd be skipping jazz fusion.. hmm..

Current listening :: "Crazy In Love" - Beyonce

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Roll call


Now that I have your attention. This follows on from yesterdays musings, and is also something I've been wanting to do for a while... Could everyone who reads my blog please comment on this post. Its time for all you lurkers to come out into the open! :P Strangers and newcomers, please, introduce yourselves! Friends who know me in real life... definitely would appreciate it if you made yourselves known! And the regulars, please comment too! :)

Ok, let the roll call begin. :P

Btw, I'm "live on cam" at the moment.. hahah... haven't done so for a while and kinda missed the novelty of it. :)

Current listening :: "Don't know why" - Norah Jones (found the chords to this on the net.. yay.. gonna try playing it sometime)

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

Free haircut!

I just got a free haircut today! Woohoo! I was walking down Hunter St, and as I walked past a hair salon called Wink, next to the Hunter Bar, a girl standing at the doorway came out and asked me if I wanted to be a hair model for her.. basically, she'd be giving me a free haircut, in whatever style I wanted. Cool! Can't turn down a freebie! :) The hairdresser said she just finished her apprenticeship. I guess she was supposed to practice on people or something. She did a pretty good job. Though, I would've prefered a bit more layering/feathering around the back to give it more of a jagged edge, less straight.. but oh well, it was free! :) No more split ends for the moment.. yay!

Anyway, I'm off to the gym. Been feeling so lethargic coz I've been exercising less - so lazy!

Hm, I just read an interesting post on Larissa's blog that was almost exactly what I had been pondering this morning, except sorta opposite. She was commenting about how she was less open in her blog entries because of the many random and unknown visitors on her site "I don't know who I'm opening up to anymore."

My thoughts were similar - I was also musing (again) about how I don't really post my personal thoughts/feelings anymore. Except my reasons were the opposite of hers. I wasn't writing really personal stuff because people I know, whom I am friends with in real life, read this blog regularly. Interestingly, I don't mind unknown people reading my blog, or even people I know & meet through the blogging community. But I'd feel uncomfortable with people who know me IRL reading personal things, so I hold back and restrict what I write.

(Can I just say that this is NOT a request, nor a subtle hint, for those people to stop reading my blog. I don't have anything against you guys reading this!! I'm sure I will work out a solution to this. Or maybe I won't. Maybe its the bloggers paradox.)

A while ago, I started a private and anonymous blog to let those troubling thoughts out, then eventually I couldn't be bothered posting anymore. A few months ago I started a paper/pen journal to write those things that were just too personal to share with people. I feel a little sad that we have to be so.. closed.. about certain things. Its like I'm putting up a front, an act, for people. I dunno. Hm, this is becoming similar to what I was writing in my journal this morning. Maybe this is too personal. I don't like it that I'm now hesitating to publish this post. I'll probably just post it anyway.

Lately I've been feeling.. sorta lost.. directionless. I dunno. Sometimes I feel like I'm tired of this life. Sometimes I wish I were younger again, with that youthful energy, experiencing things for the first time.

"Everybody knows, it sucks to grow up"

I wonder.. is there such a thing as a mid-20's "crisis"? A time of stagnation, of searching, of necessary change. (Hm, wouldn't mind doing some reading on this stuff. I always found psychology interesting.)

Anyway, enough introspection for one day. Boredom at work is not a good thing.

[Updated: 12:45pm]
Am flying through the Harry Potter series again. After finishing "Order Of the Phoenix" in a day and a half, I needed more! So, a week ago, I decided to read from the beginning again. I'm now up to book four "The Goblet of Fire". How I love reading. :)

Current listening :: "What you see" - Britney Spears (Hehe kinda appropriate.. "What you see, is what you get. This is me, hey you, if you want me don't forget!")