my blue heaven

a glimpse into the life and mind of Kazzart.

Friday, August 30, 2002


Finally... after MANY hours, much trial and error and changing of my mind, and a rather nasty headache... I have re-designed my blog! Yay!!

So.. what do people think??

Note: This layout was 100% designed by me, using Paint Shop Pro 7 and Textpad. My inspiration came from recent adventures at the snow. :) Please do not take anything without permission, thankyou. :) Oh, and credits to AK for the "wobble" javascript (ie. the script that skips the banner ad) - very clever! ;)

Oh, and here is the original layout. Just for comparison! :)

Thursday, August 29, 2002

Dance class

The familiar feelings of soreness and tiredness strike again.. yep I went to dance class last night. It was AWESOME! I hadn't been in a month, and I was seriously itching to do some dancing. I really should stop being so lazy and actually go every week, I mean I used to go twice a week, sometimes 3 times! But this time its been a month since I last went... eesh. Anyway, I'm glad I went last night, the routines were excellent and very challenging (which makes it all the better!).

Our first routine was quite technical and hard, and rather upbeat for a lyrical jazz routine. Within the routine, we had double turns (as always), barrell turns, kicks and 2 axle jumps. It was great! I love challenging routines like that. And I was able to get it too! Ramon must've been feeling particularly energetic yesterday, coz our "across the floor" section was also quite hard. (Except I didn't quite master this like I did the lyrical.) Can you believe, he made us do scissors kicks in the little routine across the floor! Like woah.. I sooo cannot do them!!

Try and imagine doing this: kick left leg to the side, kick right leg to the side, step, double turn on right, flick right foot step out, [something with arms], run run prep scissors kick, chasse, run run in opp dir, jette in 2nd position, land windmill turn, chasse to the end. Ok, maybe you can't imagine it.. if I see you on Sunday, I might attempt to show it to you.

Then finally we did our second routine, which is always some sort of modern jazz/funk routine. His style ranges from tranditional broadway musical dance, to the style in Janet Jackson or Britney Spears or Kylie Minogue music video's, and sometimes he adds a slight Latin (think J.Lo) or Middle Eastern (think Mandy Moore's "In My Pocket" song) influence. Its always fun. This week the song was a pop techno dance sorta song.. the kind u'd hear at a cool urban bar in the city, say at the Opera Quay bars, on a late Fri or Sat night. The song was alright but the dance was really cool... it was very sexy, with alot of hip movement, and very fast. I liked it! :)

Ugh so sore.... and tired.. zzzZzz.. but blissfully on a natural high. :D

[Edited 12:15pm]
I am really sore now. My back, the back of my neck, my shoulders and back of my thighs especially. Ugh.. I need a massage!! I just know that with each hour I sit here hunched over at my desk, I am going to get more and more sore. I think some sauna time is called for..

Current listening :: "Hot In Here" - Nelly

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

Feelin' good!

Ok, maybe "shopping == retail therapy" is a true statement afterall! And maybe they're right when they say girls don't even have to buy much to have had a satisfying shopping experience! I was feeling pretty blah before, but two hours of clothes and CD browsing, 8 choc covered strawberries, a wax and a new phone later... I'm feeling pretty good! (Well except for the waxing part :P).

To narrow in on one point... yes I got a new mobile phone! Yay!! I got a renewed contract (18 months), same plan, same number and a new Nokia 8250 (with the blue screen.. ooooh)... all for... $0.00!! What a bargain! Very happy am I. :)

Feeling very blah at the moment... work is so boring. Especially when you're boss isn't there and you have absolutely no work to do. Though some people might say that this sort of day at work is a dream come true. Hmm..

Craving chocolate covered strawberries.... mmmmm... :P~

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

I wish...

Looks like Dot has released layout #8 on her website. *sigh* I wish I had just a smidgen of her creativity. :( I really wanna redesign this blog and get away from using this blogger template (so I don't have to freak out everytime I come across someone who's chosen the same template :P), but I have no idea where to start!?!? I don't know the first thing about graphic design. Is it something you can learn, or is it just you have it or you don't. Eesh. :\

Current listening :: "Shoot This" - Motor Ace

Monday, August 26, 2002


I am so bored.... and work today was so boring! Bored bored bored.. hm.. maybe I'll go watch a dvd. Or maybe not.. I'm kinda tired. Perhaps I shall just get an early night. Hm this post must undoubtedly be boring to read too. :\

Current listening :: Motor Ace - Live @ The Wireless - Triple J Radio
Friday Five - Career Edition

1. What is your current occupation? Is this what you chose to be doing at this point in your life? Why or why not?
Currently I am working as a web programmer at AAP. I.T is what I studied in uni, so I guess, yes this is where I wanted to be. Though if I wanna be picky, I'd want a role involving more back-end programming (say java) as well as web stuff (using Perl/CGI), preferably in a unix environment. Not so sure I have the skills for that sort of thing anymore. *sigh* :(

2. If time/talent/money were no object, what would your dream occupation be?
"Dream... the dream I long to find..." *cough* sorry.. I would love to be a dancer (say in jazz musicals such as Chicago, or for pop artists like Britney doing video clips), and a jazz (or rock/contemporary) pianist, and a singer - anything to do with the music/performance art industry. Hm, is it even possible to be a musician/singer/dancer all at the same time...?

3. What did/do your parents do for a living? Has this had any influence on your career choices?
My dad is a computer/electronics engineer and my mum is a systems analyst programmer. So yes, I'd say they had an influence on my IT career!! :P But I didn't conciously choose IT because they did it, the fact didn't even really occur to me.

4. Have you ever had to choose between having a career and having a family?
Well.. no. I'm not married and have no kids! I would hope that career would never be so time-consuming that it would get in the way of family.. heck, career doesn't even get in the way of me going to the gym! :P But seriously, family and kids would always come first.

5. In your opinion, what is the easiest job in the world? What is the hardest? Why?
Eesh.. I dunno. Easy jobs tend to be boring, and that makes them hard! I have to admit, my job at the moment is really quite easy!! I spend alot of the day on the net doing stuff like this! But there are times my job can get quite hard too. As for hardest.. I think being a pastor or missionary would be really hard.. so much responsibility and so many people you always need to care for.. eesh!

Current listening :: "The Cole Porter Songbook" - Ella Fitzgerald
Britney Fever! :)

I seem to be in a bit of a Britney phase at the moment. I watched my Britney DVD this weekend for the 3rd time (and forced Andrew to watch it with me too... heehee). I also pulled out my old Britney CD (her second one, "Oops I did it again") and have been listening to that, as well as her latest, "Britney". Some people might say "Oh the shame" whilst shaking their heads sadly - but I'm proud of liking Britney!! So nyer! :P   

I was asked by a friend in the car last night why I like Britney (this was while I was forcing him and Andrew to listen to my "Oops I did it again" CD.. bwahahaha) and I wasn't quite sure why. I think I put it down to the fact that I just find it enjoyable, fun, happy music that reminds me of dance class, and just makes me wanna dance and be girly! *Kaz does the girly bimbo headshake* (Hahahah, I so had to put that in!) I said I liked her coz of girly reasons. I guess I like Britney is coz she's quite a girly girl (and sexy too.. hahah :P), and I identify with that girlyness.

I also think she's an awesome dancer, and I love the dance routines to her songs, particularly Baby One More Time. Her style of dancing is quite jazz, mixed with some funk. We use her songs all the time at Ramon's dance class.. I guess he's a bit of a Britney fan too! I love the jazz aspect of her dances.. and the fact that she puts some technical aspects in - like triple turns! Just ask Vron about it. In fact, I'm gonna ask her now.. Vron, why do you like Britney so much? (I expect to see a post about it sometime today! :P)

Current listening :: "Boys" - Britney Spears

Friday, August 23, 2002

The Deli

I must concur with Vron... chocolate covered strawberries are absolutely, lip-smackingly delicious! I think they're so good, they deserve the "ahhh.. like a hot bath" category. :P I highly recommend them to everyone... go to the city David Jones deli, on the Lower Ground floor, in the fruit section. They give you huge juicy strawberries that they dip into homemade chocolate (choice of dark or milk) sauce.... mmmmmm.. sends you straight to heaven... :P~ And that deli is awesome! So much gourmet stuff there! I couldn't resist and bought myself some gourmet dark chocolate fudge sauce... yummm!

I also bought myself the new Motor Ace album "Shoot This" today. $21.95 at HMV, but with Vron's 10% discount card I got it for $19.75... AND I happened to get a signed copy too coz Motor Ace were instore last week and they left some signed copies. How good is that!?! :)

It has its ups and downs and all that. Bad things are bound to happen. But I wish my foundations were stronger, that I was less tied to things of this world. I guess its the down times that make you realise just how misplaced your focus gets, and in that I can rejoice.

Still.. I feel so lost.

Current listening :: "Girl In The Mirror" - Britney Spears

Thursday, August 22, 2002

Updated webcam archives

Back at work today. *sigh* Ah well.. the holiday was good. I'm feeling rather refreshed actually. I think all the high-energy action packed days of skiing did me good. All that exercise... it really does leave you feeling energised, and I find I'm more awake in the mornings when I get up. I better pick up the intensity of my exercising at the gym then.. I think I've been taking it too easy!

Anyway, as the title says, I've updated my webcam archives. Last night I organised all the pictures that I took of myself, Vron, our dinners, and other miscellaneous things into neat folders and pages for easy viewing.

Search hits... What The?

MSN Search: long hard penis pics

My site comes up number 7! Hahahahahaha...

Current listening :: "Beautiful Collision" - Bic Runga
Friday Five - (Late) Kitchen Edition

1. What's on top of your refrigerator?
Nothing, since there's only a few cm's of space between the top of the fridge and some cupboards.

2. What's your favorite meal of the day?
Hmm... a difficult one. I guess dinner is usually the most satisfying, with a yummy dessert of course! But on the rare occasion, a scrumptious brunch of creamy scrambled eggs, bacon diced and fried with diced tomatoes, onions, mushrooms & herbs, toast or breafast muffins grilled with a sprinkling of cheese, and fresh OJ may just surpass the average dinner.... mmmmmmmmmm... :P~

3. Wash dishes by hand or in the dishwasher?
Pfft.. hand. As if I'd own a dishwasher. :P

4. How often do you eat out compared to eating in?
Eeesh, I eat out waaaay too often for my own financial good. :\ Have been cutting back lately to about 60% out 40% in.. but it used to be a challenge to even have 1 meal at home a week.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
Well err, its past the event now.. but I just had a wonderful weekend skiing at Perisher Blue. This weekend however, I will be doing the standard - youth group, singing lesson, hanging out with Andrew, music practice, then church 5pm service.

Current listening :: "A Walk To Remember" Soundtrack

Wednesday, August 21, 2002

Alone time

I had the day off today (of course) to recover from skiing. It was great to have some time off to just relax and potter around the house. Inevitably, I spent most of my time on the net, catching up on all my unread emails (94 of em.. of which about 70ish were spam.... grrrr), blogging and reading my regular reads.

Anyways, after doing all this I decided to do something I haven't done in a while... and that was to just sit at the piano and play and sing. I had just started playing, experimenting with some chords that sounded nice, and getting a pretty little melody together, when my bro came home, started chatting to me, and then turned on the tv.... I couldn't play anymore. *sigh*

Then I realised.. I want more time alone at home to play piano.. to experiment and compose stuff... to sing and play my jazz standards.. and I can't do any of this stuff when people are around. Why? Aside from the fact that someone is usually in the lounge room (where the piano is) watching tv - which means I can't play piano... I just don't feel that I'm able or free to express myself on piano and in singing when anybody is in the house.. I guess you could call it self-conciousness. *sigh*

I really want to try composing more stuff... maybe I should take out my keyboard and stick my headphones in and play. That would solve the piano playing side of things... but not the singing side. When I was in uni and came home early enough to be home alone, I used to sit at the piano and sing to my hearts content.. really loudly too. I miss that. Ah well.. :\
I'm baaaack!!

What a ski trip it was!!! Absolutely AWWWWESOME!!! :) I so wish I were still there... *sigh* I sooo LOOVE skiing...

Hmm. what to post about? So much happened there. Here are some highlights:
  • Skiing the black run, Olympic, for the first, second, third, fourth and fifth time.. :D It was very scary, that 2nd picture below of that guy is a picture of the top of Olympic, but you can't tell how steep it is from that photo. I stacked only a few times, and luckily they weren't bad stacks (as in I didn't tumble head over heels down most of the run like a friend did :P)

  • Doing my favourite runs - the black ones under the Ridge Quad chair (Excelerator, Yarandoo, Rock Garden) and the blue ones on Mount Perisher.. I got to explore them quite a bit which was awesome! There was some really nice powder on Mt Perisher, but the Ridge got a bit icy towards the last day.. Oh, and Kamikazi was closed!!! Can you believe it?! :(

  • Improving my parallel turns with pole plants on those exhilarating black and blue runs.

  • Discovering the Terrain Park for the first time! These huge man made jumps are made for boarders (and the occasional skier) who want to get some serious air. We each had a mid-air photo taken.. but I don't think I got much air on my jump... I was too chicken to go faster approaching the jump!

  • Massively stacking it, with an appropriately embarassing face-plant, after going too high on a jump at Front Valley, in front of a fair few onlookers. Then my friend coming over and asking if I was ok, and upon my confirmation, promptly snapping a photo of me sprawled on my front with snow on my face.

  • Watching these seriously pro skiers train for some event whilst in line at the Ridge Quad Chair. Some of them look barely out of primary school, yet they go down this man-made mogul run like a pro, with their feet going side to side and their knees nearly touching their chest! Most of them avoided the jump, but one guy did a 360 on it! Like WOAH!

  • Having a good ol sing-a-long at the unit at night... classics from "Ye Olde YF Songbook" such as "A new commandment" (the original), "Freely freely", "Pass It On", "Amazing Grace" and other sunday school classics! Also we sang other good stuff from Burt Bacharach, and other stuff including More Than Words (*gasp* has Tim sold out..?! Hahaha..)
Ahhhh it was good. So looking forward to ski season 2003! My aim for next year? To try Double Trouble!!!! (They're double black runs which can only be accessed with some traversing. Woohoo!)

Anyway, I took heaps of photos while I was on the slopes, so I'll scan em in and put a few up here once I get them developed. Got some really nice photos of the picturesque view from the top of some really high runs, like the Ridge and Olympic.

Current listening :: "How Deep Is Your Love" - Portrait

Saturday, August 17, 2002

I'm off to ski!!

Alrighty... I've finished packing... and in 3 1/2 hours time, I'll be heading off down to the snowy's! Yay!!! :)

I'd best be off to bed for my 2 1/2 hours sleep!! Until I return....

Thursday, August 15, 2002


Then I'll be viewing this:

and doing this:


Until I'm on the snow, hearing that lovely "swish.. swoosh.." sound of the snow crunching underneath my skies as I carve it down the slopes..

Its so close now.... and today is my last day at work until next Thursday!! Woohoo! I took tomorrow off to "prepare" - ie. sleep in and pack. The sleep part is much needed coz we're gonna be driving down on Sat morning at 4am.. so we can get in half a days skiing on Sat.

Well.. its 2pm now.. only about 3 hours till my holiday begins!!!

Current listening :: "Britney" - Britney Spears

Tuesday, August 13, 2002


Yay! I'm going skiing in 4 days time! From Aug 17th to 20th. In actually in exactly 3 days and 20 hours time, I'll be making the first tracks for the trip at Perisher Blue. Woohoo!!!! :) I can't wait! And its still snowing! We had 28cm at PB in the last 24 hours. I am soooo looking forward to this. And I'm definitely gonna find, and ski Olympic this time! And all the other black runs! :D

Anyway, haven't posted much lately coz I've been too busy on the forums.. hehe. I've picked up all sorts of useful information reading other people's posts.

I went to the gym today though... it was great! I'm making sure that I'll be fit and healthy for skiing this Sat. I did 15 mins on the X-Trainer (at above 170 revs/min, on level 3 resistance) and reached the 200 cals count! Yay for me! Then I went to the Pilates class, which was awesome too.. man that worked out my stomach big time! We learnt this new exercise too - where you do the "scissors kicking" and "bicycle" exercises, but with your back lifted off the floor onto your upper back, and your hands supporting your lower back, with your butt resting onto the hands (which means you have to arch your back a bit). But man... the position put so much pressure on the elbows that I couldn't really do it for very long. It killed! My elbows are still hurting, and I can't rest them on the table as I type. :(

Monday, August 12, 2002


Its currently blizzarding down at the snowy's! WOOHOOOO!!! Major dumpage (of the snow variety of course) at all resorts.. and its even snowing in Jindy! How cool is that!? This makes for a very happy Kazzart today!

I've been following the weather forum at very closely all day, getting some live updates from people in Jindy or Thredbo. I also regularly check the BOM Snow Mountains Region Forecast, and the Alpine Forecast and 6 day outlook at the website. The AWS (Automatic Weather Station) at the top of Thredbo is very informative too - updated automatically every 1/2 hour. And damn, its a rather chilly -5.7 degrees up there at the moment!

Time to put that snow cam back up again (not that you can see much at the moment).

Current listening :: "Pain Is Love" - Ja Rule

I am sooo tired today. I was bad girl last night - I was s'pose to sleep early but ended up skim reading through all of "Dragon Prince" by Melanie Rawn, and slept at 3am!! Bad Kazzart! :(

On top of that, I found it hard to get to sleep - adjusting to my own bed again was rather difficult after 3 weeks at my friend's apartment. I realise now.. my bed sucks! Its too small (my toes hang off the end), too bouncy (makes me feel ever so slightly nauseous when I lie back on it), and slopes slightly to one side (the side I get out of - the other side is against the wall)!!!! My back and neck are a bit stiff and sore after sleeping in it last night. And I've had this bed since.. gosh.. I came to Australia.

I wish I had a new bed. *sigh*

Current listening :: "Beautiful Collision" - Bic Runga

Sunday, August 11, 2002

Home sweet home... NOT..

Well.. after 3 luxurious weeks of living in my friend's city apartment, I am back at home. Mmm.. :\ First thing I get from my mum? A grilling for something I "did wrong". So makes me wish I were still moved out. *sigh* Its these sorta things that make me not wanna be at home as much as possible. It just adds more stress on top of everything else. I really liked coming home after work when I lived at the apartment, coz it was so relaxing.. I could just chill and do whatever, fix a nice dinner, and watch a dvd. But being at home here... I get nagged almost every other time I'm at home. Small wonder I prefer to be out and about. So need more independance and freedom.. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm off to bedfordshire. Nighty night! :)

Current listening :: "Pain Is Love" - Ja Rule

Thursday, August 08, 2002

Beautiful Collision

Just taking a temporary break from the hard slog at my asp search page.

I'm quite liking the new Bic Runga album.. I even have some favourites already. Such as "She Left On A Monday". I guess I like that one because the words feel kinda personal to me.

She left on a Monday
She's a siren down the road
In your herringbone overcoat
That you don't expect to get back

And it's an ordinary sky
Today's like any other day
When all of the aeroplanes
Write her name in the clouds

And nothing's wrong
But it's already Sunday
And you know just how Sunday
Was the day that she would come around?

Go to her foolish man
What's the use of having pride if you don't have her?
She'll endure all she can
But you could make this easier on her

It's all like sinking
You're trying to stay afloat
Like a wind blown paper boat
Over uncharted sea

There's no question why
You're driving to kill some time
Racing the power lines
Back into town

Go to her foolish man
What's the use of having pride if you don't have her?
She'll endure all she can
But you could make this easier on her
Make this easier on her
Make this easier on her
Make this easier on her

Current listening :: "Beautiful Collision" - Bic Runga

You know, the word deadline is a funny kinda word. I've never really thought about this before.. but I realised "deadline" doesn't contain the word "dead" for no reason.

I have a deadline for this afternoon.. and I'm dead if I don't meet it.... arghhhhhh!

So what am I doing blogging?!?!?!?! :\

Current listening :: "Beautiful Collision" - Bic Runga

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

Love is [NOT] in the air

Why is it that when relationshipy sorta things happen, they tend to happen in groups. Say, all these couples start getting engaged at the same time, or married couples start popping out babies, or people start going out, or breaking up.

It seems this time that love is not in the air. The couples around me seem to all be going through major relationship difficulties and problems.. me included. *sigh* Don't we just make an unhappy bunch.

What obscure animal am I?

What Obscure Animal are you?

Hehehe... awwww.. :)

Current listening :: "Beautiful Collision" - Bic Runga

Tuesday, August 06, 2002

Retail therapy

I went shopping today with Vron and ended up buying the Charlies Angel DVD and Bic Runga's latest album "Beautiful Collision" at HMV in the city. I used Vron's student 10% discount card, and all up it ended up costing only $53.90. Not bad eh. Especially since the Bic Runga album was only $21.95!! What a bargain! :)   

The new album is not bad. A bit different from her first album. There's more keyboard work, which is nice.. gives it a different feel. The album also feels a little more worked than the previous.. the songs more complex, with more instruments. The first album was simpler, often just a guitar. Some songs on this new one sound almost slightly folky - which I'm not sure whether I like yet or not. But overall, I am so far quite pleased with it.

Current listening :: "Beautiful Collision" - Bic Runga
Clubbing fever

Hm.. I feel a clubbing fever coming on again... heheh. :) Wonder which R&B clubs are good this time. I'm thinkin' either Hunter on Hunter, Booty Bar (though I hear its been a little quiet there of late), or City Live (if its music has picked up a bit). I would love to go to Gas on a Thursday night... I hear the R&B club there is really great.. but.. its a Thurs night! Maybe sometime in the future eh. :)

Anyway speaking of R&B clubs... I really like the song "Girlfriend" by N Sync (the Neptune remix version ft Nelly of course!) at the moment. Here's an excerpt:

I dont know why you care (Why you thinkin about him mama?)
He doesnt even know your there
Cuz he dont love your eyes (Nahuh)
And he dont love your smile (Nahuh)
Girl you know that ain't fair (C'mon)

The middle of the night, is he gonna be by your side
Or will he run and hide
You don't know cuz things ain't clear
And baby when you cry, is he gonna stand by your side
Does the man even know your alive
I got an idea

Why dont you be my girlfriend?
I'll treat ya good (I'll treat ya good girl)
I know you hear your friends when they say you should
Cuz if you were my girlfriend
I'd be your shining star
The one that show you where you are
Girl you should be my girlfriend

Current listening :: "Girlfriend" - N Sync (The Neptunes Remix ft Nelly)
The Sweetest Thing

I saw the The Sweetest Thing tonight with Vron. Its an awesome chick flick.. I highly recommend it to any girly girls out there. Grab your girlfriend and go see it! It'll leave you feeling great.. its a very entertaining and fun sorta movie! And its absolutely hilarious! Some bits that were really funny, that I remember off the top of my head.. the lightsabre scene, the "stuck" and singing scene :P, and the bathroom at the club scene. :) Anyway, its late and I'm rather tired.. I might post more about it tommorrow. Nitey nite!

Current listening :: "Girlfriend" - N Sync (The Neptunes Remix ft Nelly)

Monday, August 05, 2002

I Heard A Word

You know I've had my share of ups and downs,
You live and learn, this world keeps on turning round,
Sometime's those rainy days
Seem like they last forever
Wish I could turn the page,
And move on (and move on)

Been lonely for the days when you used to sit here talking,
(All through the night)
Trynna keep my spirits high so I can walk in,
(into your life)
Used to be right next to me
All the things you dream about when you're retained,
Now it seems like everything's so far away,
Then one day you know

I heard a word,
Saying, Girl, you'll be fine,
I heard a word,
That would ease my troubled mind.

Took all the hurt away,
Warmed me up inside like a summer day,
So glad you said you'd never break your promises,
I thank you Lord,
I thank you God.

Cause everybody needs (needs)
Somebody standin by their side,
You look at the road,
It gets rough,
Still you say to yourself,
Gotta drive.

Now I'm ready for the vibe,
Send a little help, let your angels fly, (fly)
Heard the words deep down inside,
I will survive,
I'm stronger cause I

I heard a word,
Saying, Girl, you'll be fine,
I heard a word,
That would ease my troubled mind.

Took all the hurt away,
Warmed me up inside like a summer day,
So glad you said you'd never break your promises.

Current listening :: "Heard A Word" - Michelle Williams (Destiny's Child)

Sunday, August 04, 2002

Warning... a rather deeply personal post below

Just when you think things are looking up, and working out for the better... something happens to turn it all upside down. *sigh* When will it ever stop?

I've started to have a nagging suspicion that these horrible events are happening for a reason... and that I haven't been paying attention to these reasons. Perhaps these are wake up calls. Afterall, it is only at these times, when you are at your lowest, that you see things truely for what they are... you see yourself truely for what you are... and realise that you can't do it on your own. Its at these times you cry out to God.. (but I know it shouldn't be *just* these times that this happens).

As I was wallowing in my pain and depression, I decided to put on a CD that would hopefully be uplifting. And these words leapt out at me..

Lord, out of the depths I cry
Lord, hear my voice
Hear my cry for mercy
If you were to show to me
A record of sin, O Lord who could stand?
My soul waits for the Lord
More than the Morning

Put your hope in the Lord,
His unfailing love
He will redeem you for sure
And lift you up
He will forgive you all your sins
And he will comfort you
Put your hope in God, the Lord!

This song by Mark Peterson is very heavily based on Psalm 130 in the bible. Its kinda funny, coz I once attempted to write a song based on this passage too. However, my song writing skills leave much to be desired, and I never got further than some near-finished lyrics.. and a half-hearted attempt to put some chords to the words. I guess this song challenges me to think about what I've been putting my hope in... and I also find it a reminder and a comfort.. that when all things fail, He is there.. and He should be all I need. Like what a friend said about contentment.. am I perfectly content in Jesus alone? Perhaps I haven't been.

I really feel like I lost my way sometime in the past few years. Where did it all go wrong? I used to be so.. focused. *sigh*

I had dinner with a friend tonight, and she's also been doing a bit of soul searching. She too was feeling a bit lost. I think I understood perfectly what she was trying to say..

*sigh* Am rather tempted to think "Ah crap.. whats the use.."


Ah crap.. whats the use.. :(

Current listening :: "Every Promise" - Philip Percival, Mark Peterson, Bryson Smith, Philip Swan

Friday, August 02, 2002

Its the weekend.. woohoo!

Yay! Its home time now! Woohoo! :)

Thursday, August 01, 2002

His eye is on the sparrow

Last night, me and Vron cooked ourselves the yummiest gourmet meal. Chicken with a tomato, mushroom, zuchinni, onion and herb sauce.. her legendary potato bake with cheese, cream, leeks and sundried tomatoes.. and some cheesy cauliflour. Mmmmmmm.... :P~ I was soooo full afterwards. We even had enough leftovers for lunch today!

Then to top off a wonderful dinner, we decided to continue our tradition of singing on the balcony! :) Balcony's have rather nice acoustics which make it an ideal place to sing.. not to mention a lovely view. We sang through our favourite duets.. like "His Eye Is On The Sparrow" (from Sister Act 2), "In His Eyes" from the musical Jekyll and Hyde, and "I Still Believe" from Miss Saigon. I absolutely looove singing! Esp beautiful songs like these. We hadn't done His Eye Is On The Sparrow in ages too.. and after some reflection upon yesterday's rare serious post, we found the lyrics to be rather relevant. So I decided to post them:

Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches
I know He watches
I know He watches me

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
He watches me
I know
He watches